After 4 1/2 years...

You would think that it would get easier. You think that I could talk about Dad without crying. You would think I could just talk about him. But, it's like it was yesterday. Still. I remember every god damn minute of that god damn day - I don't remember every minute of anything else, just that day. The worse day of my entire life, seared into my brain, causing pain and tears with just the slightest memory of it.

Dad would be very proud of Aut and I today. He would love Dylan, love the fact that he was all-boy with his love of cars and trucks and tease him for not ever wanting to get dirty. It sucks to think about having kids without my Dad to be around. It sucks. Everything about it sucks.

Currently Listening To: Carry on by Tim McGraw

Movies...Updated...Again

So, it's been a while since I rented movies. I had to pay $11.00 in late fees just to get some movies, but hey, that's the way Cesar and I roll. So, here's what I got:

1) The Devil Wears Prada - cute, funny
2) John Tucker Must Die - good fun high school flick
3) The Break Up - didn't like it so much.... wasn't as funny as I thought it would/should be
4) The Lady in the Water - This was a really good movie. Mystical and attention-grabbing. You really need to watch it when you can devote your full attention to the movie. I highly recommend it.
5) Employee of the Month - funny. I like it. probably my fave of the group.

Obviously, going with a theme - Cesar's got class tonight and so I get to watch silly and dumb movies. I love it.

The irony gets better...

Here's what google said when I typed in "Cesar needs"

"But Cesar needs care, special schools, several kinds of doctors and treatments due to complications, for children with Down Syndrome have a depressed ..."

freaking hilarious.

Isn't it ironic...

So, my friend Deana sent me a myspace bulletin that instructed me to go to Google and type my first name followed by needs... so, Amber needs and copy down the first web page description that comes up. Mine was:

"Amber needs to go and, as the toilet is locked, she pees a lake on the garage floor ... Amber needs two-to-three hours of therapy a day to overcome autism."

I just about fell out of my chair laughing. For those of you who don't know, I work with people with Developmental Disabilities, many of whom have autism.

Try it... let me know what yours says. It's interesting.

Life is full of synchronicity, isn't it?

Day...12? I think.

So, I think I am going to lose my fingernail. This is a first for me. I have never lost a fingernail before, but have heard from those that have that it doesn't hurt if you just allow it to fall off naturally. Jeez... I am ready for this whole broken finger thing to be done. Every time I hit the tip of my finger on something, it sends a twinge, like a shock down my finger. Annoying.

Hey, on a much happier note, I was awarded Employee of the Year at our December holiday banquet for the database I've been working on. It was quite exciting and I got a plaque and a hundred bucks.

And, my find of the century... at Target, a desk lamp with built in speakers and connector for my MP3 player! Don't be deceived by the price online... it was on clearance for $7.48. Awesome!

Broken finger...Day 2

Okay, so Day 2 of my broken finger actually hurt more than it did mid day yesterday. Sadly, I knew this was coming. It's now not the actually cut that hurts so much, but instead a deep down hurt in the bone pain. ...sigh... I gave in and picked up the Tylenol 3 prescription. I though I could make due with the Advil, but, yeah, not happening. Hopefully I can sleep a little better tonight with it.

CSI Crime Scene...

So I woke up this morning thinking that it was going to be long day. I got in my Wrangler and the CD said ERR...meaning error of course. It would not eject my CD. As I am driving to work, I realize I have no idea where my garage door opener is and as there have been several burglaries involving garage door remotes, I think to myself, "Self, you should drive home and make sure it is there." But Self was running late and just continued to drive to work.

Once I got there, in my rush to get into the building, slammed my right hand ring finger in the door. Yup....Blood splattered everywhere, like it was a damn CSI crime scene. All over my cream sweater, all over my jeep, on the car next to me. So, as I race in the building carrying my purse and laptop, and clutching my finger with my other hand, trying to open the doors with my left pinkie finger and not drip blood (blood borne pathogens and all), I make it to the bathroom and rinsed off the gallons of blood. I am in such excruciating pain that I a) almost passed out on the bathroom floor and b) almost puked. I get the bleeding stopped and go back to my car, leave my boss a teary voicemail as I drive home to change. I come home, sit down with my head between my knees as I am about to faint again, then proceed to change and drive back to work, following my boss, who at this point, just thinks I am late.

Get BACK to Dallas, showed my co-workers, saw the blood still splattered all over my jeep door and proceed to deal with a crisis of the day, work related. Meanwhile, my finger is getting more and more swollen and I call Kaiser Permanente. I could use this time to rant about the screening process of KP, but instead will just say when they called me back 1 1/2 hours later, they said I should come right in as it might be broken. sigh...

I race from Dallas to South Salem and proceed to sit and wait for 30 minutes to see the doc. Saw the nurse who was being all nice, which of course made me cry and she said it didn't feel broken but lets do some x-rays. Go up to x-rays and waited 30 more minutes and got my finger x-rayed. Went back downstairs and gave them the pics and the doc called me back in 5 minutes. Meanwhile the nurse told him I was in a hurry and he was quite the joker, thank god and was being all silly, which if you know me at all, is the best way to handle such a situation.

So, he comes in a says "Well, you broke your finger" to which I said "Shut up, I did not."

He said, "yeah ya did, look at the pics" and he pointed out the break.

I said "Well, at least its broken and you don't have to drain it" to which he said "Um, yeah, yeah I do...trust me it will feel so much better."

I said, "will it hurt?"

him: "do you want me to lie or tell the truth?"

me: "lie please" him: " no, it'll feel great"

me: "okay then, lets drain it."

He puts ice on it and gets out this soldering iron type tool to burn a hole in my nail and comes over and as I close my eyes and ask "how long will it take?" I open my eyes and he has backed up with his hands in the air, as if he were under arrest. I look down at my finger, which, for the 2nd time today, is GUSHING blood. He had already done it and it didn't hurt at all. I proceed to tell him so and he said, "Wow, it usually really hurts."

Anyhow, he proceeds to tell me that because its a break, it'll probably hurt for 6 weeks, he put me in a splint and here I am now. I really must see if the doc was taking new patients. He was AWESOME!!!! Put me totally at ease in a not good at all situation and made my finger feel, well, less throbbing?

Please people, listen to (or read) what I say... do not, ever, under any circumstances, slam your finger in your car door. Especially when your finger is sideways, as in perpendicular and not parallel to the door. It is the worse pain I have ever been in...and I have done some crazy things. Learn from me... please.... I have pictures.... I will post them later. :)

Happy New Year!

2007 has arrived. 2006 was a little rough and I am hoping 2007 is much nicer. I have made a couple of resolutions, as I would not be a good citizen if I hadn't. Here there are... in no particular order.

1) Eat less fast food.

2) Be more conservative with my pesos.

3) Walk more often.

4) Get rid of some junk - specifically from my closet.

5) Craft more with what I already have.

6) Spend more time with friends, hanging out, having a beer or coffee or tea.

So, that's what I got. I will let you know how I do. Hopefully, by publishing them here, I will keep to them better.

On a more important note, to Beto - I love you and Elvia and my thoughts are with you even if I can't be. I couldn't ask for better family ever.