It's interesting how much something can effect you when someone tells you you can't. We always knew we wanted kids, we were just never sure when. We wanted our financial situation just right or our house just right or have enough time off from work. Mostly, we just wanted to have time to be married before the kids set in. We were so excited by the first pregnancy and so very bitterly disappointed by the miscarriage. The second pregnancy may have been worse, because we heard a heartbeat and miscarried 4 days later. And 2 years later, we've got nothing. After months of Clomid and taking my temperature every morning at 6:00 am, the doctor thinks it's not going to happen. There's a small possibility of getting pregnant if we spend a lot of money we don't have on a fertility expert. At this point, we've talked about adoption and need to get enrolled in the adoption classes with DHS, but we're both feeling pretty helpless.
The worse thing for us both is how very hard it is being surrounded by all of our friends, family and neighbors who have children. We aren't resentful of them, just resentful of not being a part of it. It is so hard for us to do something as simple as going to the park and seeing all of the families with their kids. We both get so frustrated when we see someone with a herd of kids they don't even seem to like, never mind enjoy. Even our closest friends and family have no idea the deep seated pain in causes for both of us.
Frankly, we don't talk about it except for an occasional private cry in bed late at night. People don't know how to respond to it, don't know what to say. That's okay, we don't know what to say either. Just do me a favor... remember that you never really know what is going on in someone's life, behind their closed door. Just love them and support them and honor them the best you can.
6 comments:
Thanks for helping me understand better what you two are going through as well as others I know who have been in your situation.
Any child would be lucky to have you in their lives.
Thanks K! It's been a tough road and most people, including us, just don't/can't talk about it.
I hear ya.
It's good to be heard and understood, but NOT pressed on the tender subject.
Thanks for the post, Amber. I just chatted with another friend who is going through similar things right now. So hard, and so hard to know if there's anything to do or say to help or if its better to just shut up and be a good friend. :) Love and hugs!
As hard as it is to talk about it, I sometimes wish I had the opportunity to talk about it more. I think that would lessen the pain over time. But, I think mostly it's just important for my friends to know how hard it is to be in certain situations.
You ladies really are the best! So thankful for both of you and Rachel who also sent kind words!!
I heard something recently that went something like this..."sometimes you know something is really important when it isn't talked about" sending you much love and prayers. What you have written is beautiful and probably very helpful to get out. Thanks for sharing your most precious thoughts and feelings.
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